Do I Really Want to be Somewhere Just Okay but Not All Right? New Thoughts for A New Year

Well, New Year’s has come and gone. I am not a big fan of New Year. When I was younger, I celebrated it. I made a big deal of it. Fixed special foods and drinks. But as I got older, I learned to hate it. There were many New Year’s nights I just went to bed early, leaving my parents to ring in the New Year alone with each other.

Now that I am older, and my parents too, I make it a point to stay up with them. None of us are really into the moment but it is a moment that we share together. I never know when God is going to call any of us home or if that moment may be the last New Year that we will share together. So, I stay up and we wish each other a happy New Year and I kiss the cheeks of my parents before I go to bed.

That kiss is something many no longer have the opportunity to share

with someone else and is something to be treasured.

I kiss my parents every day and tell them

I love them before going to bed each night. Again, you never know when that might be the last time you see someone.

But our entire lives are like that. Stop for a moment and think about it. We have one time when we are on this earth. Many of us forget that and live life as it is ordinary. We get in our routines. Our habits. We do the same thing day in and day out with the occasional vacation where we normally go to the same place.

We live our lives in an automatic state until something, often a tragedy, disrupts it.

Even our spiritual practices can go into automatic. Sunday comes and goes. We either attend church in person, online, or not at all. Sunday after Sunday. Week after week. Month after month. Yes, there may be that occasional special event at the church we attend but it all can become routine.

New Year’s is often viewed as a time to make resolutions to improve ourselves. To go on a diet. Start an exercise program. To stop cussing. Read our Bibles more and so on. Many times, after a few days or weeks, we stop or start doing whatever we resolved to do. Many times, we feel like we have failed, again, and again.

I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions and stopped making them many years ago. Instead, I have switched to a new practice. I do a year and a life’s review. Instead of making a list of New Year’s resolutions, I review my life.

Why is a life review important? Because new things await us, and God does not want us to be hindered by our past sins. Isaiah 43:18-19 tells us, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

I take the time to look back over the events that have happened over the last year and see how they affected me. How did I respond? Was the response good or bad? Did I grow from it? Was the growth good or bad? What could I have done differently? Is there any one I need to make amends too? Now that last one can really shake you up. Especially if you decide to step out and make amends to anyone you may have hurt or offended.

I also look back at my life in general. Often, our responses to one incident comes from something that happened in our past. Maybe it was something from our childhood that affected us, resulting in how we responded to something recently. It can be anything to being left alone at an early age, having to fight for something when we were younger, being bullied, being abused sexually, physically, or mentally, or anything that affected us physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Everything that we experience in every waking moment of our lives impacts how we respond today.

Along with examining my life for the past year and overall, I find it is also a great time to forgive myself. Often, we forget about things that hurt us or that we did wrong. The emotions are cast aside or shoved under an imaginary rock, all just waiting to come back at us at a later time, devouring everything and everyone in their path. Shoving our emotions aside is a very common practice. It is also very unhealthy.

Allowing yourself the gift of a years and life’s review allows you to not only forgive yourself but to forgive others. It releases your soul from the burden you and it has been carrying. Whether you realize it or not, all that unforgiveness, be it for yourself or others, is placing a huge emotional, physical, and spiritual toll on you.

Now, I can’t rightly recall the Bible talking anywhere about celebrating New Year’s or making New Year’s resolutions, but I do know that God talked about forgiveness. When we do something wrong, it’s not uncommon to utter discouraging words against ourselves. Idiot, stupid, a**hole, are just some examples of how we beat ourselves up and degrade ourselves. This is not what God wants for us. We are children of God, and He delights Himself in us. We are chosen and we are loved (1 Peter 2:9 and Ephesians 1:4)!

Self-forgiveness begins with asking God for forgiveness. God calls us to come to Him. When we ask for His forgiveness, our sins are forgotten as far as from the East to the West. God is faithful to forgive (1 John 1:9, Mark 11:25).

If God can forgive us for everything that we bring to Him, who are we to hold onto unforgiveness of ourselves???? That would be the equivalent of turning our back on God’s forgiveness. Saying that His forgiveness is worth nothing. That His forgiveness is not good enough for us to accept. OUCH! Imagine how that must seem to God. The all-mighty Father. This not only reflects your relationship with God but it also blocks His blessings. Don’t do that to yourself. Seek forgiveness from the Father and let it go. Don’t let whatever sin is haunting you hang over you anymore.

We are especially called to forgive others. Matthew 6:14- 15 and 18: 21-22. If we do not forgive others, God will not forgive us. So, it is kind of important to be sure we are right with others and God. Here are some great verses to help with the area of forgiveness: https://www.compassionuk.org/blogs/bible-verses-on-forgiveness/

This post really isn’t supposed to be focused on forgiveness. I could write all day on that alone and it definitely deserves its own post if not several posts. What I am talking about is examining our lives and New Year’s, and January, is a great time to remember to do that. Most people have the day off and the new year brings a new start.

My Year and Life's Review

When I look at my life’s review, I see good and bad. There are areas where I missed the mark on how I responded in a Christian manner. Sadly, it happened more times than I cared to remember. I took the time to talk to my Father about the situation/s and asked for not only forgiveness but also request a learning point or two or three. I’ll admit it. I have a temper and I had some really bad moments last year and in years past. I am a work in progress and so is everyone reading this post. If we weren’t, we wouldn’t need Jesus and probably not be here on this earth.

I will also admit that I have become complacent in my life. I could blame it on COVID, or my life circumstances and they do play an active part of my complacency, but I also have to own it. It is my life, and I am making my own choices, whether they are affected by circumstances or not.

I have become comfortable and that is not always a good thing. When I look at who I am now, I realize I have lost a large part of myself. The person I was when I was younger has mostly disappeared. I no longer have the drive that I did when I was younger.

I am comfortable with my job that sustains me. I am comfortable with my home and taking care of my parents. I have become resolute to having no social life as I spend hours in front of a computer screen every day, mostly on Facebook, searching for something that I never find, companionship and someone to talk to.

I wonder if this is all there will be for me. I long to be out and about with others, being active in ministry and not just behind a desk. But the health crisis and my caregiving tasks do not allow that right now. I know I am in a season of life. It will not last forever and when my caregiving time is done, I will be filled with great grief and sorry from the loss of my parents. My world will turn upside down one day and I will be struggling to come up from the depts of the losses that await me. But what can I do now?

How can I be effective for God’s kingdom? Am I doing enough? Or have I become lazy. I already feel the emptiness and anger that permeates my soul from the loss of myself and my freedom. As I have stated before, I do not like myself, at least not all parts of me.

My life review has brought forth many things for me to focus on, but the one thing is that I don’t want to be just okay. I don’t want to become complacent. I don’t want to give up and give in. There has to be something more as I search to rediscover myself.

I have a dear friend who is part of a music group called The Nautical Theme. They recently wrote a song that tore open my heart. It fits me so well. I want to share it with you. Here is the link and I am going to post the words to the song as well. Maybe you will find a piece of yourself too in this song.

Meet Tesia Mallory and Matt Shetler

Video link: https://youtu.be/Z5c3IZih_4E

Song track and group link: https://thenauticaltheme.bandcamp.com/track/somewhere-just-okay-but-not-alright?fbclid=IwAR3_adt86VcdqcOQjBjVNjr10pF4-LkJsUcAh0DF-JTpZ1w57vXVfXjJVzs

Somewhere Just Okay (But Not Alright)

I spent too much time just staring at a screen

Thinking there’d be something there to rescue me

When all I saw was emptiness and hate and apathy

I tried to look away but couldn’t leave

Don’t let me get lazy somewhere just okay but not alright

It’s easy, we can’t be, somewhere just okay but not alright

I spent too much time just thinking about myself

My status, my perception, and my wealth

When just beyond my walls you’re crying out

Please brother can you spare a little help

Don’t let me get lazy somewhere just okay but not alright

It’s easy, we can’t be, somewhere just okay but not alright

I’d be terrified to finally know the answer

When my mirror asks me what I’ve truly done

To make any kind of difference in the real world

Yes, don’t think that you can kid yourself that way son

Don’t let me get lazy somewhere just okay but not alright

It’s easy, we can’t be, somewhere just okay but not alright

from Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, released July 30, 2021

Tesia Mallory: Vocals, Keys

Matt Shetler: Vocals, Guitar

My year and life review were freeing yet revealing. I discovered many things, asked for forgiveness for many things and began to identify things about me that need changed. I am facing an internal war. I know it will not be easy but recognizing it is the first step.

As I go through this year, I have a list of things that I want to improve upon myself and my spiritual life. They are not New Year’s resolutions but life resolutions. Spiritual formation resolutions to help me become the person that Jesus designed me to be.

What about you? Are you ready for a year and life review? The door stands open. You have the opportunity to explore and discover. Will you venture through it?

Peace,

Janet